Tales Of Ordinary Madness

The Unspeakable In Pursuit Of The Inedible

Surreal scenes abounded yesterday on the floor of that mother of democracy, the House of Commons. Several well to do young men stormed the floor, the first unauthorised visitors to do so since Oliver Cromwell announced to the Rump Parliament "Let us have done with you! In the name of God, go!". The best the uninvited guests could muster yesterday was "It's totally unjust!". They were, of course, complaining about the governments bill to finally ban the hunting of foxes by letting specially trained dogs chase them down and rip them to pieces.

There had been a large, vociferous protest the whole day outside the House in Parliament Square where a large number of moderately wealthy to downright well off citizens had vented their spleen about how it was deuced unfair that they could longer practise this age old custom, how jobs would be lost and, anyway, none of the foxes had ever been heard to complain about it. One could argue that if fox hunting was all right maybe we should bring back bear baiting, cock fighting and the like but these "sports" were always the domain of the underclasses so nobody mentioned it. What was plainly obvious is that the theory of the old aristocratic practise of breeding to produce your offspring within your social strata does indeed produce certain mental processes that are not entirely healthy...

Every Sperm Is Sacred

It appears the American Mid-West is hurtling back towards the Stone Age as news reaches here that some doctors and pharmacists are refusing to prescribe and fill prescriptions respectively for birth control pills on the grounds that it is tantamount to abortion. The obvious next step is to ban masturbation on the grounds that spilling ones seed into an inappropriate receptacle is obviously a predestinate attempt at abortion.

Also the idea in the twenty-first century that a women's body is not her own is one to be applauded and that all prominent citizens of the Republican persuasion who back this lunacy do not spill their seed with anyone except their spouses and, heaven forbid, if they do and the condom fails, they'll bring up the love child as a member of their own family should the Republicans get their wish to ban abortion.

A Dog Is A Man's Best Friend

Many thanks to Simon Hoggart in today's Guardian for pointing out that a website has been set up to enable Americans to express their gratitude and to also pay tribute to the wonderful efforts of the British Prime Minister Tony Blair for his role in the "liberation" of Iraq. Apparently all submissions will be forwarded to Downing Street.

The site can be found at: http://thankyoutony.com

I trust all right thinking Americans will express their true feelings on this subject... and I hope none of our British readers will be tempted to scurrilously use this portal to communicate their feelings to Downing Street.

Lock And Load, Comrade

The events in Beslan, North Ossetia should, in theory, finally convince Russia's major partners (i.e. the US and the EU) that Vladimir Putin is a product of the archetypal Soviet school of shock and awe. After claiming that the "safety of the children is paramount" the death count rises by the hour - three hundred and twenty at the time of writing and the injured list is growing by the hour. Whilst realising there is no negotiating with people who will kill themselves and everybody else possible, it can't be underestimated the cause of this action. As in Palestine and Iraq, these people don't do this for fun. They have a genuine grievance which needs to be addressed and for all the bluster about the war on terror [sic] we've been subjected to (especially this week at the Republican convention in the United States) the bottom line is you cannot bomb these people into submission. Nor can you take away their livelihoods, destroy their homes, wreck their hopes of a future and impose your will on them. If you want this to stop you have to change your whole attitude towards cultures that differ from yours, listen to their children cry and stop killing people indiscriminately.

This, of course, is a pipe dream. It will be business as usual and these atrocities will continue. And no amount of crocodile tears will change that. Real constructive action is the only course to follow and that is as likely as the GOP coming up with a better idea than flip-flops...

May your God go with you.